One question in this study asked survivors to note any clues or indicators in their lives that may have suggested they were ritually abused as a child. The lists below organize these responses into meaningful categories. Please note that most indicators of ritual abuse noted below are not only indicative of a history of ritual abuse, but of other forms of sexual abuse as well. For example, many of the indicators usch as relationship with extremely abusive partners or general sexual dysfunction are reported by Bass and Davis (1989) as behavior patterns of survivors of sexual abuse. Ross (1989) also notes that a significant number of individuals diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder have a previous history of eating disorders or drug abuse. According to Bass and Davis (1989) for survivors of sexual abuse "often the knowledge that you were abused starts with a feeling, an intuition. It's important to trust that inner voice and work from there. Assume your feelings are valid. So far, no one we've talked to thought she might have been abused, and then later discovered she hadn't been. The progression always goes the other way, from suspicion to confirmation. If you think you were abused and your life shows the symptoms, then you were."*And, it is likely that the same holds true for individuals suspecting ritual abuse.

• vague sense of bad pain or evil when satan was brought up
• belief that I was evil
• completely believing I caused people to be evil
• believing death is a celebration
• anger and mistrust of Christians
• always felt like church symbols were loaded with hidden meanings
• left church at 13
• fear of God
• strong need for a spiritual path

• felt like I would die and not know a huge part of my life
• beliefs as a child that there was something inside of me
• always felt that something horrible had happened to me, but I didn't know what it was
• always felt that there was something very very wrong
• always felt like there was something I needed to tell, but I couldn't remember what it was
• felt haunted by images. Knew there was something below the surface I couldn't get at
• knowledge of occult material I don't remember learning
• voices chanting strange languages in my memories
• talked to myself as you. "You need to do your homework. You need to sleep."
• In grade school I was put in a trance and a part came up and said to everyone, "You will never get her back. She's mine now."
• dreams, then I would up paralyzed and think an evil demon was trying to get inside my body
• daydreaming of being in a traumatic situation and what I would do to get out of it
• sister and I hated parents, but didn't know why
• fact I could remember very little about my childhood
• MPD
• no memory of early childhood or early adulthood
• lost time
• lived in a self-made fantasy world most of my life
• felt like I didn't exist. That I wasn't real
• feeling cut off, dead inside, like I wasn't there
• lack of pain sensation. Could break my arm and not feel it
• ongoing body memories (with no physical cause)

• suicide ideation in childhood
• tried to kill myself several times as a child
• suicidal most of my life
• when I stopped and went inside, I would hear "I want to die. I want to die." or I would hear men's voices saying, "No one will ever love you. Look at you. You're disgusting. You're nasty."
• setting up my own murder
• suicide ideation
• suicide attempt in a trance like state after revealing about a molestation
• obsession with suicide that comes from outside self
• wanting to die and not knowing why
• attempting suicide without telling anyone and not knowing why I was doing it
• believing I didn't deserve to live
• suicide attempts

• trying to have sex with our dog when I was five
• "heard how ritually abused children act out with pets. That was the clincher for me."
• often wet pants when playing as a child

• belief that if I loved anyone they would be tortured or killed
• having images of torture and murder when kissed
• needed to have arms above head during sex (like tied)
• knowing my touch was poisonous
• intense feelings around abortion, miscarriages, and the birth of children
• relationships with extremely abusive partners
• affairs with men much older than me
• earlier in life I was a nun, and then later a prostitute
• had to smoke pot or overeat in order to make love to my partner
• was ashamed of my body
• sexual dysfunction
• sexual fear, but fascination
• sex at 13 with a 20 year old man
• not wanting to be touched

• obsession with sex and violence when I was a kid
• alwasys had remembered having my cousin whip me with a belt when I was eight and getting really sexually excited
• acting out mutilations with my toys as a child
• preoccupation with drawing 5 and 6 pointed stars when I was bored at school
• melted red crayons on my hands to show my mom I was bleeding

• my groin muscles were ripped in 1st grade by the cult and I couldn't walk for a month and had to miss school. My mom says I did it in gymnastics
• had infections at 4 that have kept coming back. Had herpes, but had never had sex?
• evidence of child bearing at 12
• extreme vomiting during PMS and pregnancies. Dr. asked if I had been sexually abused as a child
• continual vaginal infections
• rectal bleeding
• remember internal exams when I was 9 or 10
• damage to muscles in the pelvic area
• body scars that I didn't know where I had gotten them from
• unexplainable urinary and vaginal infections
• vaginal damage

• always afraid at Halloween
• severe phobias of blood, bugs, death and darkness, movie lights, etc.
• unusual fears of churches, ritual behaviors, medical procedures, being put in water, men drinking or being passed around by men
• overwhelming emotions on holidays
• strong attraction to occult material
• preference for red meat
• hated red meat. I have been a vegetarian since I was a child
• fascinated by gems, prisms, crystals, etc.
• fixation on knives

• over-sensitized and identified a lot with homeless tortured animals
• felt protective of animals
• an intense reaction to dead animals

• dreams of being chased by a group of men that were trying to kill me
• deep belief that I had failed (that I was supposed to die a public death and had failed)
• afraid in large groups
• uncomfortable in groups
• extreme self-consciousness in public places
• always had to be in charge or performing

• I used to have panic attacks where I couldn't breathe and I used to say "Oh my God. I've got to get out of here. I've got to run. Please somebody help me!"
• always liked hospice nursing. I felt comfortable around dead or dying people
• horrible nightmares about the abuse almost every night of my life
• felt like I was going crazy
• felt alienated
• daily terror
• always frightened and insecure
• terrified by normal life events: I couldn't cope with life
• fear of the dark
• severe depression
• hated having my picture taken
• attraction to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder movies
• exaggerated startle response

• decided I would never go to the bathroom and that lasted for a while
• very withdrawn
• banged my head a lot
• ran away from home
• school attendance was poor
• socially was very young for my age
• slow speech development
• slept with a knife under my mattress
• threw up a lot
• would never allow myself to vomit
• quiet, compliant, no affect
• rarely cry
• complete inability to trust
• always in a crisis of some sort
• sleep walking
• extreme shyness and inability to relate to peers
• no sense of physical, emotional, mental, or sexual boundaries
• jumped from job to job
• reckless driving

• brothers suicide and comments about satan
• fear of parents
• no commonality with siblings
• very protective of the perfert parent image

• workaholism to avoid memories
• drug and alcohol abuse
• drinking problem
• drug and alcohol addiction at 14
• life long eating disorder
• overeating
• bulimia
• anorexia
• life long sleeping disorder
• addicted to book reading
• horrible codependency issues

*An editorial note by Kali Munro: I would have said it as, if you think you were abused and your life shows the symptoms, then you likely were, versus you were abused.

If you found this article helpful you might want to read:

Ritual Abuse - Definitions, Glossary, The Use of Mind Control
The report of the Ritual Abuse Task Force Los Angeles County Commission For Women, March 15, 1991.

Programming: Understanding, Recognizing, & Nullifying It
by C. Rainfield

Common Programs Observed in Survivors of Satanic Ritualistic Abuse
by David W. Neswald, M.A. M.F.C.C. in collaboration with Catherine Gould, Ph.D. and Vicki Graham-Costain

Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist       416 929-4612
email@KaliMunro.com         www.KaliMunro.com




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